IT IS WHAT IT IS: THE POWER OF WITHHOLDING JUDGMENT
- Derek Hagen
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
❝There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.❞ -William Shakespeare, Hamlet
You may have heard the old story about the Chinese farmer.
One day, his horse runs away. His neighbors come by and say, “What bad luck!”
The farmer simply replies, “Maybe.”
The next day, the horse returns with some friends—three wild horses.
“This is amazing!” the neighbors say.
“Maybe,” the farmer replies.
The following day, the farmer’s son tries to ride one of the wild horses, gets thrown off, and breaks his leg.
“Oh no, how terrible,” the neighbors say.
“Maybe,” says the farmer.
Then the army comes to town, drafting all the able-bodied young men. But because of the broken leg, the farmer’s son is spared.
“Wow, what good fortune!” the neighbors say.
“Maybe,” the farmer replies.
And on it goes.
We tend to label our experiences—this is good, that’s bad, this is unfair, that’s amazing. But the story of the farmer reminds us: it’s not always so clear.
Something that feels awful today might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Something that seems great could lead to pain later on. Sometimes we just don’t know yet.
Even deeper than that, maybe the idea of “good” or “bad” is just something we’ve made up. We naturally reach for what feels pleasant and push away what feels unpleasant. But what if things just… are?
There’s a phrase I used to hear growing up: “It is what it is.”
I hated it. It felt like giving up. If I said, “This sucks,” and a friend replied, “It is what it is,” I felt dismissed.
But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized it might hold more wisdom than I gave it credit for.
Maybe “it is what it is” is simply an invitation to not rush to judgment.
OUR JUDGMENT GLASSES
Here’s a simple truth: we’re always the main character in our own story.
If you’re watching a nature documentary and it follows a hungry lion, you might cheer when it finally catches an antelope. But if the next episode follows a lost antelope trying to survive, you’ll mourn when it gets eaten by a lion.
Same event. Different perspective.
The story changes depending on who you’re rooting for. That’s how we work too. When I land a new job, I celebrate. But for the person who was hoping to be promoted into that role? It’s a disappointment.
We see life through the lens of our own experience. It’s like we’re all wearing a pair of invisible judgment glasses—glasses that filter everything into good or bad. And most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re wearing them.
We all see the world through our own lens—what I like to think of as judgment-filter glasses. Our experiences, beliefs, and values shape how we interpret the world. They color everything we see.
That filter can quietly shift how we feel. It turns “what I feel” into “what I should feel.” And when that happens, we lose connection with what’s really here.
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The Five Facet Mindfulness Questionnaire measures your level of mindfulness among five interrelated components. These components are observing, describing, acting with awareness, nonjudgment of inner experiences, and not reactivity to inner experiences. They can be helpful in gaining an understanding of the areas of mindfulness in which you may want to focus. |
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SEEING CLEARLY
Letting go of the need to label everything as good or bad helps us stay grounded in the present. We can meet the moment as it is—without trying to twist it to match our expectations.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hope, or plan, or take action. It just means we can be present with what’s actually happening before we rush to conclusions.
Mindfulness helps us take off the glasses. Not to ignore what’s difficult—but to see more clearly, respond more wisely, and be with life as it unfolds.
You get one life; live intentionally.
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REFERENCES AND INFLUENCES
Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler: The Art of Happiness
Hanh, Thich Nhat: You Are Here
Hanson, Rick & Richard Mendius: Buddha’s Brain
Harris, Dan: 10% Happier
Harris, Sam: Waking Up
Kabat-Zinn, Jon: Wherever You Go, There You Are
