BEFRIENDING YOUR INNER VOICE

❝The inner critic is not a villain but a misguided protector, seeking to shield us from the pain of vulnerability.❞ -Tara Brach

How many times have you wanted to do something that felt a bit scary or outside your comfort zone? Maybe you wanted to talk to someone at an event, give a presentation at work, introduce yourself to someone new, or share a personal story you don’t usually tell.

How many of those times did you decide not to because the voice in your head talked you out of it? How many times has your inner critic dissuaded you from doing something that might be good for you?

THOUGHTS AND OUR INNER DIALOGUE

Most of us spend a lot of time listening to the voice inside our heads. We can have as many as 50,000 thoughts per day, and many of those are negative because of something called negativity bias. This is a survival instinct, where we notice and remember bad things more than good ones. In the past, ignoring a chance to find food was no big deal, but ignoring a danger could lead to injury or worse.

This is why we sometimes think of negative thoughts as our inner critic. It might seem like this voice doesn’t like us or wants us to feel bad.

The Five Facet Mindfulness Questionnaire measures your level of mindfulness among five interrelated components. These components are observing, describing, acting with awareness, nonjudgment of inner experiences, and not reactivity to inner experiences. They can be helpful in gaining an understanding of the areas of mindfulness in which you may want to focus.

YOUR INNER VOICE IS TRYING TO HELP

But what if that voice is actually trying to help? Your inner voice wants to protect you. It leans toward safety and away from risk because it’s trying to keep you from getting hurt.

Your inner voice—or inner critic—thinks it’s protecting you by keeping you safe.

It’s not that you’re not good enough to give a presentation or talk to someone new. It’s just that there’s a chance—no matter how small—that you might fail or embarrass yourself. And your inner voice doesn’t want you to feel that way.

The thing is, your inner voice is only thinking about the short term. It wants to stop you from feeling uncomfortable right now, but it doesn’t really consider the long-term benefits.

For example, think about meeting someone new. In the short term, it could be awkward or embarrassing if they reject you, and your inner voice wants to avoid that.

But, as people say, there are no perfect solutions—just trade-offs. If you never take a risk, you won’t face rejection, but you also won’t build meaningful relationships in the long run.

On the flip side, if you allow yourself to face short-term discomfort, you’ll gain long-term benefits. Over time, you’ll train your inner voice to realize that what feels uncomfortable now will eventually feel normal—and not even scary.

So, listen to your inner voice. It’s trying to help you. But think of it more as a suggestion than a rule to follow.

You get one life; live intentionally.

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REFERENCES AND INFLUENCES

Bloom, Paul: The Sweet Spot Boniwell, Ilona: Positive Psychology in a Nutshell Burkeman, Oliver: The Antidote Clear, James: Atomic Habits Denborough, David: Retelling the Stories of Our Lives Gillihan, Seth: Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Haidt, Jonathan: The Happiness Hypothesis Hall, Kindra: Choose Your Story, Change Your Life

Hanh, Thich Nhat: You Are Here Hanson, Rick: Hardwiring Happiness Hanson, Rick & Richard Mendius: Buddha’s Brain Harris, Dan: 10% Happier Harris, Sam: Waking Up Hefferon, Kate & Ilona Boniwell: Positive Psychology Ivtzan, Itai, Tim Lomas, Kate Hefferon & Piers Worth: Second Wave Positive Psychology Kabat-Zinn, Jon: Wherever You Go, There You Are McAdams, Dan: The Stories We Live By Miller, William: 8 Ways to Hope Wallace, David Foster: This is Water