UNDERSTANDING YOUR MONEY STORY
- Derek Hagen
- Oct 30
- 3 min read
❝People create stories to make sense of their lives, to give themselves an identity, and a sense of coherence.❞ -Dan McAdams
We all tell stories about money, often without realizing it. Understanding yours can help you make choices that fit your life.
THE SAME EVENT, DIFFERENT STORY
I was driving with my sister one winter afternoon when we hit a patch of ice. For a few seconds, I thought we were going to crash. We didn’t... but it was close enough to make our hearts race.
Later, I told the story one way: how sure I was we were going to slide off the road. But when my sister told it, her version was completely different. She remembered how calm I was, turning on “crash control” and all-wheel drive.
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Same event. Two stories.
We were both right.
We each remembered the part that mattered most to us.
LIFE AS A STORY
That drive home became part of my life story almost immediately.
But here’s what’s interesting, what feels like a “big” moment to one person might barely register for someone else.
That’s because we don’t just remember events, we interpret them. Memory is an editing process. We decide, consciously or not, which moments matter and which fade away.
Over time, those memories connect into something bigger: the story we tell ourselves about who we are and what our life means.
UNDERSTANDING MONEY SCRIPTS
The same thing happens with money.
Our experiences—especially the emotional ones—form beliefs that play quietly in the background of our lives. Psychologists call these money scripts.
A few examples:
“Talking about money causes conflict.”
“Money equals success.”
“I’ll never have enough.”
“Money should be saved, not spent.”
“Rich people are selfish.”
These ideas often come from childhood, watching how our parents handled money, what they argued about, or what they avoided talking about.
Some of those lessons still serve us well. Others quietly limit us.
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Money Scripts® are subconscious beliefs we have about money that we learn these we are growing up in our family systems. A Money Script can be anything, but they tend to fall into four categories. Learn what categories your Money Scripts fall into. |
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FROM SCRIPTS TO STORIES
Those beliefs eventually grow into something bigger—a money story.
Your money story explains how you think about money, what it means to you, and how it shapes your choices.
I like to picture it as a little character that follows you around, whispering advice like, “You should save more,” or “You don’t deserve that,” or “You’ll never have enough.”
We all have one.
But that story isn’t always accurate. It’s just the version we’ve learned to tell, and we can change it.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR MONEY STORY
When we notice that our story might not be helping us, it’s easy to blame ourselves.
We think, “I’m just bad with money.”Or, “I’ll never get ahead.”
But the truth is, we are not our stories. They’re just patterns we’ve repeated for a long time.
When you start separating yourself from your story, everything shifts.
You begin to see your relationship with money as something you can work on, not something you are.
That’s where new possibilities open up.
REWRITING YOUR STORY
Every story can change. You don’t need to erase the past to tell a better version of it.
Understanding your money story isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about learning how your beliefs and experiences have shaped you.
When you see that story clearly, you can decide what to keep, what to question, and what to rewrite.
And that’s how money becomes more than numbers on a page. It becomes a tool for living a story that feels true to you.
You get one life; live intentionally.
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REFERENCES AND INFLUENCES
Denborough, David: Retelling the Stories of Our Lives
Gillihan, Seth: Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Haidt, Jonathan: The Happiness Hypothesis
Hall, Kindra: Choose Your Story, Change Your Life
Klontz, Brad, Rick Kahler & Ted Klontz: Facilitating Financial Health
Krueger, David: A New Money Story
Krueger, David & John David Mann: The Secret Language of Money
McAdams, Dan: The Stories We Live By
Miller, William & Stephen Rollnick: Motivational Interviewing
Pennebaker, James & Joshua Smyth: Opening Up by Writing It Down
Wilson, Timothy: Redirect
