A FRAMEWORK FOR LIVING A MEANINGFUL LIFE

Derek Hagen
4 days ago
4 min read

Sketch: A life that aligns with personal values leads to meaningful living, shown through an overlapping diagram.

❝Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind.❞ -René Girard

Most people aren't confused about money. They're conflicted about what it's for.

WHY IT'S SO HARD TO DO WHAT MATTERS MOST

Most of us have moments when our money behavior doesn’t align with what we know is best for us.

You might know you should save during good months, but spend the extra instead. You might have “enough,” yet still feel anxious, guilty, or deprived. You might reach a milestone you worked hard for and feel strangely unsatisfied.

These struggles aren’t usually about intelligence or discipline.

More often, they’re about conflict.

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We’re trying to do what we think we’re supposed to do, shaped by expectations, comparison, and unexamined ideas about what a good life should look like. And when those ideas don’t fit, things start to feel off.

The truth is, not every challenge lives at the same depth. Some problems can be solved with simple awareness. Others need deeper reflection.

The mistake many people make is going too deep too fast or staying too shallow for too long.

A more helpful approach is to start simple and go deeper only when needed, matching the depth of your reflection to the depth of the challenge you’re facing.

LEVEL ONE: SOCIAL COMPARISON AND WANTING WHAT OTHERS WANT

Humans are exceptionally good at survival.

Every one of us comes from a long line of people who stayed alive long enough to pass on their genes. Because of that, our brains are wired with a strong negativity bias. We notice threats faster than opportunities. Missing danger used to be more costly than missing out.

This makes us very good at survival mode.

But most people today aren’t struggling to survive. Once basic needs are met, the challenge shifts from surviving to thriving, and this is where things get complicated.

When we don’t know what thriving looks like, we look around. We compare. We imitate.

Sketch: Visual showing that humans are wired for survival more than thriving, revealing bias in modern decision making.

René Girard called this mimetic desire: wanting what others appear to want. We chase the same markers of success, often without realizing it. “Keeping up with the Joneses” gets joked about, but most of us underestimate how deeply comparison shapes our choices.

Bronnie Ware famously observed that one of the most common regrets at the end of life was not living a life true to oneself, but living the life others expected.

At this first level, meaningful change often starts by stepping out of comparison. Sometimes, simply noticing this pull and giving yourself permission to question it is enough to change direction.

Sketch: Stick figure stuck between two ladders—one to expectations, one to desire—illustrating inner conflict in decision making.

LEVEL TWO: CLARIFYING VALUES AND FINDING FINANCIAL PURPOSE

For some people, letting go of comparison brings immediate relief. For others, it raises a new question: If I’m not following someone else’s definition of success, what actually matters to me?

People often answer with words like family, freedom, or security. These are important, but they’re broad. When values stay vague, it’s hard to turn them into real decisions.

At this level, the challenge isn’t motivation. It’s direction.

Once comparison fades, many people feel overwhelmed by choice. Psychologists call this choice overload: too many options can actually make decisions harder and satisfaction lower.

Sketch: A person at a crossroads with many options, visualizing choice overload when social comparison fades.

This is where clarity becomes powerful. Through reflection, conversation, and simple exercises, values can become more practical: a financial purpose.

Not “what should I do with money?”

But “what role is money meant to play in my life?”

Sketch: Simple bar graph showing growth in values awareness, highlighting the power of clarity in meaningful financial planning.

This questionnaire is an instrument that taps into ten valued domains of living. It assesses the perceived importance of each of these ten life domains and the degree to which you are living in accordance with this perceived importance.

LEVEL THREE: FINANCIAL PSYCHOLOGY AND THE STORIES UNDERNEATH

Some people know what matters to them. They can describe their values. They intend to live in alignment with them.

And yet… they don’t.

This is where financial psychology comes in.

At this level, the problem isn’t clarity; it’s ambivalence. Competing emotions pull in opposite directions. Beneath the surface are money stories and emotional patterns shaped by past experiences.

These patterns act like invisible rules. They quietly influence behavior, even when we consciously want something different.

When those stories are brought into awareness, their grip often loosens. Just seeing them clearly can change how much power they have.

Sketch: Past experiences filter through financial psychology, shaping how a person shows up in their financial life.

LEVEL FOUR: WHEN DEEPER HEALING IS NEEDED

For some people, awareness still isn’t enough.

When money behavior is tied to trauma, deep emotional wounds, or long-standing shame or fear, deeper support may be needed. This isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about healing what hasn’t had space to heal.

Different approaches work for different people. The important part is recognizing when reflection alone isn’t sufficient—and when outside support could help.

Sketch: A confused client transfers a jumbled thought to a clear one through conversation, symbolizing insight and emotional clarity.

START WHERE YOU ARE

This framework isn’t about labeling yourself or diagnosing problems. It’s about discernment.

Not every challenge requires deep work. Not every struggle is solved by awareness alone. The key is matching the depth of your reflection to the depth of the challenge you’re facing.

Because a meaningful life isn’t built by forcing the deepest answers first. It’s built by starting where you are and going deeper only when the moment calls for it.

You get one life; live intentionally.

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