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We All Have Different Values


everyone has different values
❝Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.❞ -Lao Tzu

It's the summer of 2004, and I'm trying to find a parking spot. It's hot, and there are people everywhere. This is the first time I've ever visited the Minnesota State Fair, sometimes dubbed the Great Minnesota Get-Together. If you are unfamiliar, the Minnesota State Fair is when over a quarter-million people per day walk around outside in the summer humidity to eat food on a stick.


I've never been here before, and I'd like to think it's because nothing about this appeals to me. First of all, it's hot. Second of all, it's shoulder-to-shoulder busy. Third, everything is expensive; I just paid $5 for one corn dog, and that's after spending $10 for the privilege of attending. I simply don't see the point.


I'm curious about how there can be a situation where I literally don't understand what the point is, yet over two million people every summer look forward to it. So I start to ask people what I'm missing.


The answers are all over the place, but there are generally two main reasons. The most common reason is to try the new (expensive) foods. The second most common reason is people watching.


To those unfamiliar with people-watching, people-watching is an event where you simply watch people and make fun of them. Generally, those who partake in people-watching will make fun of what people wear, what they eat, how slowly they walk, how quickly they walk, how clueless they seem to be, and what they spend their money on.


In essence, people-watching takes advantage of our misguided belief that everybody shares the same values. Indeed, other people's behavior only looks foolish if we view their behavior through the lens of our own values.


While walking around the fair with my corn dog, which I should add does not come with a plate, I accidentally drop it on the ground. Not only is this frustrating, but as I bent down to pick it up, I noticed people pointing and staring at me. I now realize that those who partake in people watching are also the people being watched by others. You are there to judge others while at the same time getting judged yourself.


Understanding that everybody has different values helps you assume positive intent with others, helping you remain calm and peaceful. It also gives you the confidence to live the life that you want to live.

everyone has different values

DEFAULT VALUES


If you are like most people, you've never taken the time to design your life. Most of us spend our lives reacting to whatever is thrown our way. It's difficult to think about what we actually want out of life when we're spending our time putting out fires and dealing with life as it happens.


Without defining our own values, it's easy for us to take on the values of others. This could be our family, culture, heritage, or even those pesky proverbial Joneses that live across the street. More recently, social media has made it easy for us to pick up on the values of anybody in the world.


It's easy to look at other people who look happy and try to replicate what they are doing. The problem is most people don't share our values. You may know somebody who has had a midlife crisis. This can happen when somebody takes a look at his life and realizes he's been living for somebody else. A midlife crisis is like a reboot button, so to speak.


Spending the time to understand what's important to you and aligning your life and money in a way that supports that takes some time, but it's time well spent.

spending time to determine your values isn't easy but it's worth it

DETERMINE YOUR VALUES


Spend some time thinking about what is important to you. What do you want out of life? Imagine you're looking back from your deathbed and are proud of the life you lived. How did you live that life?

There are many different resources and many different ways to determine what your values are. A simple web search will show you a dozen or more ways to get your values.

If you are interested, I have a website you can use to understand your values. Feel free to use it.

Understanding your values helps you live a life according to your values because everyone's values are different



The Value Compass is designed to help you gain insight into your own values and how they guide your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It can be used to explore your personal goals and motivations, as well as to gain a better understanding of others' values and how they may differ from your own.




YOUR VALUES ARE YOURS


Knowing what is important to you and what you want out of life helps you design a life around those things. Understanding your values gives you confidence. You won't care when other people judge you because you understand your values and how you're using your money to support your values. You'll simply understand that they must have different values, and that's okay.

understanding we all have different values gives you confidence to live your own values

OTHERS' VALUES ARE THEIRS


Another benefit to understanding your values is knowing that everyone has different values. You will no longer have to get worked up if somebody spends their money in a way that you can't imagine ever doing, or doing things with their time that you find confusing. Let it go. You can stop judging others because you will now understand that they live their lives through a different set of values than you have. They can have their values, and you can have your values, and you can still be friends.

be comfortable with the space between yours and someone else's values - we all have different values

By now, it should be evident that every single person has different values. This profound insight may change how you live your life and how you view other people. Other people's values dictate their behavior. If the way somebody is spending their money or their time doesn't match how you would spend your money or your time, let it go; they simply have different values.


You get one life; live intentionally.

 

If you know someone else who would benefit from reading this, please share it with them. Spread the word, if you think there's a word to spread.



Related Money Health® Reading 
References and Influences

Housel, Morgan: The Psychology of Money

Irvine, William: A Slap in the Face

Kinder, George: Life Planning For You

Kinder, George: Lighting the Torch

Klontz, Brad, and Ted Klontz: Mind Over Money

Leider, Richard: The Power of Purpose

Manson, Mark: Everything is F*cked

Millburn, Joshua Fields, and Ryan Nicodemus: Essential

Miller, William R., and Stephen Rollnick: Motivational Interviewing

Newcomb, Sarah: Loaded

Richards, Carl: The Behavior Gap

Rosenberg, Marshall: Nonviolent Communication

Sinek, Simon: Start With Why

Wallace, David Foster: This is Water


Note: Above is a list of references that I intentionally looked at while writing this post. It is not meant to be a definitive list of everything that influenced by thinking and writing. It's very likely that I left something out. If you notice something that you think I left out, please let me know; I will be happy to update the list.

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About the Author

Derek Hagen, CFA, CFP, FBS, CFT-I, CIPM is a speaker, writer, and coach specializing in financial psychology, meaning and valued living, resilience, and mindfulness.

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